Yellow

A color that i love yet dislike is yellow. My mixed feelings of frustration and admiration of this color began Easter Sunday when I was in middle school. Being a preachers kid the subconscious pressure put a damper on parts of my childhood, one area being celebrating Easter. When all my friends slept in ate chocolate and searched for colorful eggs, my obligations consisted of delivering flowers to deathly ill nursing home residents,  getting my cheeks pinched by a dozen church elders,  and dressing up in uncomfortable Sunday bests making me stick out like a soar thumb in contrast to my peers.

 Sure we engaged in our churches annual Easter extravaganza, but something always feels different when your dad is the guy in charge, a feeling comparable to being shaperond on your first date or taking your mom to prom. That Easter morning I woke up in a especially frustrated mood. Fighting off a cold newly discovered prepubescent hormones and feeling low self-esteem about my weight did not help anything. My mom, Cathy Wilson is a saint. She rightfully earns this claim by her lifestyle of love, truth,  and integrity but especially is recognized by her consistent love and patience raising four boys and a daring adventurous girl.

The unspoken law at the Wilson home gave mom full reign of Easter, but this Sunday in my early adolescence I decided to pull a cue. She warmly requested I wear yellow, I stubbornly defied her request. My attitude was as cold as Haywards 20° springs but one thing that will melt any boys heart no matter how frozen is the sight of his momma in tears. Seeing my mom weeping over my lack of yellow hung over me like a glummy storm cloud for the remainder of the day.

I did end up getting what I wanted, i didn't have to wear yellow, but was this what I really wanted? Not at all. The petty little things in life seem mountainous in the moment, but ultimately we're searching for something much bigger than our current circumstances. Not wearing yellow was a big deal larger than the moon to 13 year old version of me, but my mother's love ultimately is a planet larger than the sun.

Yellow is now one of my favorite colors. It helps me remember to look outside myself to bigger things. Don't make your momma cry over stupid things, or you'll look and feel like a pre adolescent boy pouting about wearing yellow.